Helpdesk, helperi din toate tarile... bagati aici Optiuni

[mutulica]

in romaneste, in engleza, in orice limba ar fi... dialogurile inregistrate la departamentele de suport sunt uneori "criminal" de amuzante

[mutulica]

Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."
Customer: "Ok."
Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?"
Customer: "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'."
At this point I had to put the caller on hold to tell the rest of the tech support staff what had happened. I couldn't, however, stop from giggling when I got back to the call.)
Tech Support: "Ok, did you type 'click' with the keyboard?"
Customer: "I have done something dumb, right?"

[mutulica]

Tech Support: "Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?"
Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"

[Promo Contextual]

[carrad]

discutie de-adevaratelea intre doi prieteni, tot prin telefon:
"A: dai click dreapta in fereastra si ti se deschide un meniu....
B: nu se intampla nimic
A: cum ai facut?
B pai, m-am dus cu mouse-ul in drepta ferestrei si am dat click" (left click, evident!)

[mutulica]

At our company we have asset numbers on the front of everything. They give the location, name, and everything else just by scanning the computer's asset barcode or using the number beneath the bars.

Customer: "Hello. I can't get on the network."
Tech Support: "Ok. Just read me your asset number so we can open an outage."
Customer: "What is that?"
Tech Support: "That little barcode on the front of your computer."
Customer: "Ok. Big bar, little bar, big bar, big bar. . ."

[mutulica]

asta rupe tot

This is an actual alert to IBM Field Engineers that went out to all IBM Branch Offices. The person who wrote it was very serious. The rest of usmay find it rather humorous. Abstract: Mouse Balls Available as FRU (Field Replacement Unit)

Mouse Balls are now available as FRU. Therefore, if a mouse fails to operateor should it perform erratically, it may need a ball replacement. Because of the delicate nature of this procedure, replacement of mouse balls should only be attempted by properly trained personnel.

Before proceeding, determine the type of mouse balls by examining the underside of the mouse. Domestic balls will be harder and larger than foreign balls. Ball removal procedures differ depending on the manufacturer of the mouse. Foreign balls can be replaced using the pop-off method. Domestic balls are replaced using the twist off method. Mouse Balls are usually not static sensitive. However, excessive handling can result in sudden discharge. Upon completion of ball replacement, the mouse may be used immediately.

It is recommended that each replacer have a pair of spare balls for maintaining optimum customer satisfaction, and that any customer missing his balls should suspect local personnel of removing these necessary items.

[mutulica]

Customer: "Uhh...I need help unpacking my new PC."
Tech Support: "What exactly is the problem?"
Customer: "I can't open the box."
Tech Support: "Well, I'd remove the tape holding the box closed and go from there."
Customer: "Uhhhh...ok, thanks...."

----------------------------------------

Customer: "I'm having a problem installing your software. I've got a fairly old computer, and when I type 'INSTALL', all it says is 'Bad command or file name'."
Tech Support: "Ok, check the directory of the A: drive-go to A:> \ and type 'dir'."
Customer reads off a list of file names, including 'INSTALL.EXE'.
Tech Support: "All right, the correct file is there. Type 'INSTALL' again."
Customer: "Ok." (pause) "Still says 'Bad command or file name'."
Tech Support: "Hmmm. The file's there in the correct place-it can't help but do something. Are you sure you're typing I-N-S-T-A-L-L and hitting the Enter key?"
Customer: "Yes, let me try it again." (pause) "Nope, still 'Bad command or file name'."
Tech Support: (now really confused) "Are you sure you're typing I-N-S-T-A-L-L and hitting the key that says 'Enter'?"
Customer: "Well, yeah. Although my 'N' key is stuck, so I'm using the 'M' key...does that matter?

[doice]

Aceasta este o intamplare adevarata petrecuta la Word Perfect Help Line.
Angajatul companiei care a participat la discutia de mai jos a fost concediat. Ulterior, el a dat in judecata compania pentru "concediere fara motiv". Ceea ce urmeaza este un pasaj din discutia care a dus la concediere.
"Word Perfect Technical Desk, va pot ajuta cu ceva?"
"Da, am o problema cu Word Perfect"
"Ce problema?"
"Pai, scriam si dintr-o data toate cuvintele au disparut."
"Au disparut?"
"Da, au disparut."
"Hmm. Si ce afiseaza ecranul tau acum?"
"Nimic."
"Nimic?"
"E negru; si nu accepta nimic din ceea ce scriu."
"Esti inca in Word Perfect, sau ai iesit?"
"De unde vrei sa-mi dau seama?"
"Vezi un prompter C: pe ecran?"
"Ce-i ala un prompter C:?"
"Nu conteaza. Poti misca cursorul pe ecran?"
"Nu e nici un cursor; Ti-am spus ca nu accepta nimic din ceea ce tiparesc!"
"Monitorul tau are un indicator de functionare?"
"Ce e ala un monitor?"
"Este chestia aia cu ecran si care arata ca un TV. Are o luminita care sa-ti arate daca e deschis sau nu?"
"Nu stiu."
"Atunci uita-te in spatele monitorului si vezi unde duce cablul electric. Poti sa vezi asta?"
"Da, cred ca da."
"Minunat. Urmeaza cablul electric, si spune-mi daca este bagat in priza."
"...Da, este."
"Cand te-ai uitat in spatele monitorului, ai observat ca sunt doua cabluri si nu doar unul bagat in monitor?"
"Nu."
"Ei bine, sunt doua. Mai uita-te o data si gaseste si celalt cablu."
"Ok, l-am gasit."
"Urmareste-l si spune-mi daca este bagat bine in spatele computerului tau."
"Nu pot sa fac asta."
"Huh. Dar macar poti vedea daca este?"
"Nu."
"Nici daca iti pui genunchiul pe ceva sau te intinzi pe ceva?"
"O, nu e din cauza ca nu am unghiul bun, ci din cauza ca e intuneric."
"Intuner c?!"
"Da, lumina din birou este stinsa, singura lumina care vine este de afara."
"Pai, aprinde lumina in birou."
"Nu pot."
"Nu? De ce?"
"Pentru ca e o pana de curent."
"Aaa...o pana de curent? Aha, ok. Cred ca am rezolvat problema. Mai ai cutiile si manualele si chestiile de impachetare cu care a
venit computerul tau?"
"Da, le tin in dulap."
"Bine. Du-te si adu-le, si baga sistemul in cutii exact asa cum l-ai primit. Si apoi du-l inapoi de la magazinul de la care l-ai
luat."
"Adevarat? Este chiar atat de grav?"
"Da, ma tem ca da."
"Atunci asta e, il duc inapoi. Si ce sa le spun?"
"Spune-le ca esti prea prost ca sa ai un computer."

[rebel]

Help Line: "General Motors Help Line, how can I help you?"
Customer: "I got in my car and closed the door and nothing happened!"
Help Line: "Did you put the key in the ignition slot and turn it?"
Customer: "What's an ignition?"
Help Line: "It's a starter motor that draws current from your battery and turns over the engine."
Customer: "Ignition? Motor? Battery? Engine? How come I have to know all these technical terms just to use my car?"

Help Line: "General Motors Help Line, how can I help you?"
Customer: "My car ran fine for a week and now it won't go anywhere."
Help Line: "Is the gas tank empty?"
Customer: "Huh? How do I know?"
Help Line: "There's a little gauge on the front panel with a needle and markings from 'E' to 'F'. Where is the needle pointing?"
Customer: "It's pointing to 'E'. What does that mean?"
Help Line: "It means you have to visit a gasoline vendor and purchase some more gasoline. You can install it yourself or pay the vendor to install it for you."
Customer: "What? I paid $12,000 for this car! Now you tell me that I have to keep buying more components? I want a car that comes with everything built in!"

Help Line: "General Motors Help Line, how can I help you?"
Customer: "Your cars suck!"
Help Line: "What's wrong?"
Customer: "It crashed, that's what's wrong!"
Help Line: "What were you doing?"
Customer: "I wanted it to run faster so I pushed the accelerator pedal all the way to the floor. It worked for a while and then it crashed and it won't start now."
Help Line: "It's your responsibility if you misuse the product. What do you expect us to do about it?"
Customer: "I want you to send me one of the latest version that doesn't crash anymore."

Help Line: "General Motors Help Line, how can I help you?"
Customer: "Hi, I just bought my first car, and I chose your car because it has automatic transmission, cruise control, power steering, powerbrakes, and power door locks."
Help Line: "Thanks for buying our car. How can I help you?"
Customer: "How do I work it?"
Help Line: "Do you know how to drive?"
Customer: "Do I know how to what?"
Help Line: "Do you know how to drive?"
Customer: "I'm not a technical person. I just want to go places in my car!"

[skysurfer]

Astea chiar sunt haioase rau...

Let’s see some real life Help Desk Jokes.


Customer: "My computer crashed!"

Tech Support: "It crashed?"

Customer: "Yeah, it won't let me play my game."

Tech Support: "All right, hit Control-Alt-Delete to reboot."

Customer: "No, it didn't crash - it crashed."

Tech Support: "Huh?"

Customer: "I crashed my game. That's what I said before. I crashed my spaceship and now it doesn't work."

Tech Support: "Click on 'File,' then 'New Game.'"

Customer: [pause] "Wow! How'd you learn how to do that?"


For us it may seem like some Help Desk Jokes, but think about the person who faced that situation. Let’s discuss some more Help Desk Jokes.

Tech Support: "OK Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter 'P' to bring up the Program Manager."

Customer: "I don't have a 'P'."

Tech Support: "On your keyboard, Bob."

Customer: "What do you mean?"

Tech Support: "'P' on your keyboard, Bob."

Customer: "I'm not going to do that!"


Hehehehe…isn’t it funny? Some more Help Desk Jokes below:


Customer: "Your sound card is defective and I want a new one."

Tech Support: "What seems to be the problem?"

Customer: "The balance is backwards. The left channel is coming out of the right speaker and the right channel is coming out the left. It's defective."

Tech Support: "You can solve the problem by moving the left speaker to the right side of the machine and vice versa."


One more:

A man attempting to set up his new printer called the printer's tech support number, complaining about the error message: "Can't find the printer." On the phone, the man said he even held the printer up in front of the screen, but the computer still couldn't find it.



HELPDESK CALLERS

During my years working in IT support, I have become more and more interested in the many types of people who call IT help desks. Like a biologist, I have found that having a classification system is critical in understanding the users that I help on a daily basis. It is with this in mind, and with my tongue in my cheek, that I have categorized users into the following species:

1. "The Expert": Userus expertia
"The Expert" user is the curse of most IT support establishments. Experts try out something they heard about from "the bloke in the pub," an unqualified expert on everything who offers advice to anyone who will listen. Experts usually make a complete mess of their systems when they follow the bloke's advice. Then they compound the problem by trying to fix it themselves, often destroying their machines. As a last resort, they call the help desk and demand that their machines be replaced or mended immediately, as they have urgent work that can't wait. There has been an Expert at every place I have worked. I leave it to you to decide who your resident Expert is.


2. "The Fiddler": Userus manipulata
The motto of "The Fiddler" is: "I wonder what happens if...." I've placed these callers next because they are the most closely related to the Expert. These callers don't realize that some files actually make their computers work. If they don't recognize a file as one of their own, they delete it and are surprised when something then stops working. Unlike the Expert, they don't say anything about the problem; you only discover it months later from a casual remark, such as, "Oh no, that hasn't worked for ages. I meant to call you." Fiddlers are usually very pleasant people—who will drive you mad.

3. "The Mouse": Userus rodentia
"The Mouse" is more common than the previous two and fortunately less harmful. For this species of caller, the big gray box is a source of blind terror. I can remember talking on the phone to a Mouse at a UK communications company. She had worked in a telephone exchange for years and was suddenly given a PC to help her. She had not asked for it and didn't want it. The screen was making strange noises, and she was concerned.
"I don't want it to explode or anything," she wailed.
"No," I said patronizingly, "they don't explode. There's no explosive in them." Then I heard a loud "BANG!" through the phone. "What was that?" I asked. "My screen has just exploded," she replied.

4. "The Train Spotter": Userus geekissimus
"The Train Spotter" is most often the offspring of an Expert and a Fiddler. These callers are usually harmless and don't have many computer problems. What they do have is an IT magazine, which they have read from cover to cover. The Train Spotter will invariably corner an unsuspecting help desk tech and proceed to bore the tech rigid by sharing their knowledge. The main difference between Train Spotters and other callers is that Train Spotters do not usually phone the help desk; they visit in person.

I'm not quite sure what they want from the help desk, but they take up a lot of time asking various questions about new innovations, about which I usually know nothing. I have found no explanation for the existence of this user other than that the Expert and Fiddler conceived the Train Spotter on a trip to a computer trade fair.

5. "The Paranoid User": Userus newbigata
"Paranoid Users" are convinced that the computer has an intelligence of its own and is out to get them. The machine is constantly doing something that causes a problem. The computer will maliciously alter their documents, obliterate all references to their passwords, and lose work they have saved. If a machine is ever going to break down, it will be while being used by a Paranoid. This species' one saving grace is determination. They never give up, as much as you wish they would.

6. "The I'm-building-a-case User": Userus fabricatum
"The I'm-building-a-case User" is grinding an axe to get some new gadget brought in to his department or have an old one taken away. They report hundreds of trivial problems, hoping upper management will buy them the latest all-singing and all-dancing machine. The real problem with this species of caller is the fact that they are usually not trying to replace computer equipment. This user doesn't see the difference between computers and any other piece of office equipment. I have often been required to pass opinions on all kinds of electrical equipment even after pointing out my lack of knowledge on the subject. I do not evaluate coffee makers. I do not drink coffee, and I know nothing about the black arts involved in its production.

7. "The Just-testing User": Userus gustulata
"The Just-testing User" is not even using a computer but wants to test your knowledge and, if possible, trip you up. The best technique for dealing with this species is by answering questions with "I don't know." They cannot deal with this straight capitulation. Most Just-testing users would love the chance to show your boss how useless you are or how little you know. They are thrilled when you give a wrong answer and will crow about it incessantly.

8. "Pig Pen": Userus perfumia
Based on the Charles M. Schulz Peanuts character, "Pig Pen" has the messiest, most unhygienic work area in the company. Pig Pen's personal hygiene is fine; it is only the workspace that is a hazard. It is a graveyard for old coffee cups, half-eaten green sandwiches, used Kleenex, and moldy sock collections. Pig Pens are some of the nicest and most technically able people you know. They usually give the help desk very little trouble except when their keyboard needs replacing, which is often. Pig Pen is a mainstay of most companies, the backbone of whatever department he or she works for. If that were not the case, the company would have let them go years ago.

9. "The I-don't-want-to-hear-that! User": Userus headinsandia
This is a rather curious species. They call, ask a question, and if they don't hear what they want, they take it personally. I always wonder why they ask, if they don't want to know the answer. It does not seem to matter that what they want is not possible. All they want is to hear the answer they're looking for.

10. "The End-of-my-tether User": Userus adlimitus
This is the angriest but, perversely, often the easiest to deal with. After spending weeks attempting to resolve their own queries, they finally swallow their pride and call the help desk. Calls from this type of user usually end in one of three ways:
1. The problem's solution can be found simply by reading page 1 of his instruction manual, which, of course, the caller has not done.
2. The caller is informed that the operation she is trying to perform cannot be performed with the equipment or software that she has.
3. The caller has already found a solution but phoned the help desk to let you know how frustrated, mad, or unsatisfied he is.

Acest topic a fost editat de skysurfer: 9 Dec 2004, 10:10 AM

[skysurfer]

Fac parte din Divizia de Suport Tehnic de la HP Deskjet de aproape o luna si acum o luna am avut o clienta cu o problema pe care pur si simplu nu stiam cum sa o rezolv. Imprimanta acesteia pur si simplu nu vroia sa printeze culoarea galbena. Toate celelalte culori se printau excelent, ceea ce pur si simplu m-a bulversat pentru ca singurele culori cu adevarat sunt cyan, magenta si galben. De exemplu, verdele e o combinatie de cyan si galben, insa verdele se printa excelent.

L-am pus pe client sa schimbe cartusele, l-am pus sa stearga si sa reinstaleze drivere-le si nimic.
I-am rugat pe colegii mei sa ma ajute; nimeni nu avea nici o idée. Dupa vreo doua ore de troubleshooting, tocmai vroiam sa ii spun clientei sa ne trimita imprimanta ca sa o reparam, cand ma intreaba incet: “Ar trebui totusi sa incerc sa printez pe o hartie alba in loc de asta galbena pe care o folosesc eu?”

Si inca una criminala:

Dupa ce a intampinat o serie de dificultati cu calculatorul sau, un utilizator cu totul necunoscator a sunat la linia de suport tehnic a producatorului pentru asistenta…
Tehnicianul: Buna ziua. Cu ce va pot fi de folos?
Utilizatorul: Iese fum din sursa de alimentare a calculatorului meu…
T: Se pare ca aveti nevoie de o noua sursa de alimentare…
U: Nu, nu am nevoie!!! Trebuie doar sa schimb fisierele de bootare….
T: Domnule, ceea ce imi descrieti dumneavoastra este o defectiune a sursei de alimentare. Trebuie sa o inlocuiti…
U: In nici un caz! Cineva mi-a spus ca tot ceea ce trebuie sa fac este sa schimb fisierele de startup pentru a rezolva problema! Tot ceea ce am nevoie de la dumneavoastra este sa imi spuneti comanda exacta…
In urmatoarele zece minute, in ciuda eforturilor tehnicianului de a explica problema si solutia necesara, utilizatorul se incapatana sa afirme ca el are dreptate. Asa ca , frustrate pana la Dumnezeu, tehnicianul ii raspunde…
T: Imi cer scuze. De obicei nu spunem clientilor acest lucru, insa exista o comanda in DOS care nu o stim decat cei experimentati care va rezolva problema…
U: Stiam eu!!!!
T: Tot ceea ce trebuie sa faceti este sa adaugati linia “LOAD NOSMOKE.COM” la sfarsitul fisierului CONFIG.SYS si totul va merge excellent. Sa imi spuneti cum a functionat, da?

Zece minute mai tarziu, tehnicianul este suntat de client…
U:Nu a functionat. Sursa inca fumega…
T: Pai, ce versiune de DOS utilizati?
U: MS-DOS 6.22...
T: Pai sa stiti ca asta e problema. Aceasta versiune de DOS nu include NOSMOKE. Trebuie sa ii contactati pe cei de la Microsoft si sa le cereti un patch. Sa ma sunati sa imi spuneti cum merge…
Aproape sa treaca o ora, revine cu un telefon acelasi client…
U: Am nevoie de o noua sursa de alimentare…
T: Cum ati ajuns sa aceasta concluzie?
U:Pai, am sunat la Microsoft si si I-am spus ceea ce mi-ati spus sa ii zic si a inceput sa imi puna intrebari despre modelul sursei de alimentare…
T: Si ce v-a spus?
U: Mi-a zis ca sursa mea de alimentare nu e compatibila cu NOSMOKE.


And the best for last!!!!
Customer: "I got this problem. You people sent me this install disk and now my A: drive won't work."
Tech Support: "Your A drive won't work?"
Customer: "That's what I said. You sent me a bad disk, it got stuck in my drive, now it won't work at all."
Tech Support: "Did it not install properly? What kind of error messages did you get?"
Customer: "I didn't get any error message. The disk got stuck in the drive and wouldn't come out. So I got these pliers and tried to get it out. That didn't work either."
Tech Support: "You did what sir?"
Customer: "I got these pliers, and tried to get the disk out, but it wouldn't budge. I just ended up cracking the plastic stuff a bit."
Tech Support: "I don't understand sir, did you push the eject button?"
Customer: "No, so then I got a stick of butter and melted it and used a turkey baster and put the butter in the drive, around the disk, and that got it loose. Then I used the pliers and it came out fine. I can't believe you would send me a disk that was broke and defective."
Tech Support: "Let me get this clear. You put melted butter in your A: drive and used pliers to pull the disk out?"
At this point, I put the call on the speaker phone and motioned at the other techs to listen in.
Tech Support: "Just so I am absolutely clear on this, can you repeat what you just said?"
Customer: "I said I put butter in my A: drive to get your crappy disk out, then I had to use pliers to pull it out."
Tech Support: "Did you push that little button that was sticking out when the disk was in the drive, you know, the thing called the disk eject button?"
Silence.
Tech Support: "Sir?"
Customer: "Yes."
Tech Support: "Sir, did you push the eject button?"
Customer: "No, but you people are going to fix my computer, or I am going to sue you for breaking my computer?"
Tech Support: "Let me get this straight. You are going to sue our company because you put the disk in the A: drive, didn't follow the instructions we sent you, didn't actually seek professional advice, didn't consult your user's manual on how to use your computer properly, instead proceeding to pour butter into the drive and physically rip the disk out?"
Customer: "Ummmm."
Tech Support: "Do you really think you stand a chance, since we do record every call and have it on tape?"
Customer: (now rather humbled) "But you're supposed to help!"
Tech Support: "I am sorry sir, but there is nothing we can do for you. Have a nice day."

Acest topic a fost editat de skysurfer: 9 Dec 2004, 11:01 AM

[rebel]

Subject: Computer Issues: Upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 !!!
----------------------

Dear Tech Support:
Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources.

In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activity.

Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0, Hunting and Fishing 7.5, and Racing 3.6 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected. I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0.

Please help!

Thanks,

A Troubled User.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

REPLY:
----------------------

Dear Troubled User:

This is a very common problem that men complain about.

Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program.

Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0. It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed.

You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this.

Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony/Child Support." I recommend that you keep Wife1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" to alleviate software augmentation.

The best course of action is to enter the command C: \ APOLOGIZE. Because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0, Cook It 1.5 and Do Bills 4.2.

However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5. Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0 !

WARNING!!!

DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.

Best of luck,

Tech Support

[Onix]

True telephone conversations recorded from various Help Desks around the U.K

Helpdesk: What kind of computer do you have ?
Customer: A white one...
====
Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out.
Helpdesk: Have you tried pushing the button ?
Customer: Yes, but it's really stuck.
Helpdesk: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note ...
Customer: No ... wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still
on my desk... sorry .
====
Helpdesk: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left ?
====
Helpdesk: Good day. How may I help you ?
Male customer: Hello... I can't print.
Helpdesk: Would you click on start for me and...
Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me ! I'm not Bill Gates damn it !
====
Hi good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try it
says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in
front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it...
====
Customer: I have problems printing in red...
Helpdesk: Do you have a colour printer ?
Customer: No.
====
Helpdesk: What's on your monitor now ma'am ?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me in the supermarket.
====
Helpdesk: And now hit F8.
Customer: It's not working.
Helpdesk: What did you do, exactly ?
Customer: I hit the F-key 8-times as you told me, but nothing's happening.
====
A customer couldn't get on the internet.
Helpdesk: Are you sure you used the right password ?
Customer: Yes I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Helpdesk: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five stars.
====
Helpdesk: What antivirus program do you use ?
Customer: Netscape.
Helpdesk: That's not an antivirus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.
====
Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screensaver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears !
====
Helpdesk: How may I help you ?
Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.
Helpdesk: OK, and, what seems to be the problem ?
Customer: Well, I have the letter a, but how do I get the circle around it?
====
Helpdesk: Microsoft Tech. Support, may I help you ?
Customer: Good afternoon! I have waited over 4 hours for you. Can you
please tell me how long it will take before you can help me ?
Helpdesk: Uhh..? Pardon, I don't understand your problem ?
Customer: I was working in Word and clicked the help button more than 4
hours ago. Can you tell me when you will finally be helping me ?